Aspire Therapy Blog

How Forgetting Yourself Can Improve Confidence

Self-awareness is a gift, part of what differentiates human beings from the animal kingdom, but it can also be a curse.

Often the problems clients bring to us arise from the fact they have become too self-conscious. They scrutinise every aspect of their behaviour critically and pass harsh judgments upon themselves.

This leads them to feel anxiety and loss of confidence. It makes it difficult for them to move on with their lives.

To overcome this feeling of helplessness a psychological balance needs to be struck between thoughtful self-reflection - without which we would become self-centred and arrogant - and the ability to act decisively and get on with our lives.

Being Kind To Ourselves

It’s amazing how hard we find it to be kind to ourselves. One very simple exercise we do with clients who lack self-belief is get them to compile a list 20 positive things about themselves.

If they struggle to come up with the complements themselves then we get them to ask friends, relations and colleagues to help them with their list.

They are then asked to repeat those statements to themselves while looking into a mirror.

This can be surprisingly difficult to do - and may prove an emotional process for some. But it is also tremendously self-affirming. It’s a great experience just to let go of those self-doubts and feel good about yourself.

Why I Prescribe Gok Wan To My Clients

I am a huge fan of the fashion guru and TV presenter Gok Wan – especially his excellent How To Look Good Naked series.

I love the way Gok talks to women. He is interested in maximising their potential – but never changes the essence of who they really are.

Believing in the Possibility of Change

Convincing clients of the possibility of change is central to the success of therapy. Often people do not need any convincing. The fact they have decided to come for therapy is evidence in itself of their belief that they can change.

But when someone has been suffering from a problem for many years it can be more difficult for them to accept that change can happen.

The Truth About Confidence

There can be a tendency to think that increasing confidence means going against our true nature and behaving in ways that are out of keeping with our genuine selves. But this does not need to be the case.

Confidence does not have to be like a mask that we artificially put on in order to hide our inner insecurities.

Do Your Underlying Beliefs Limit You?

Here is a simple method for raising awareness of the underlying beliefs that have helped to make you the way you are today.

Negative beliefs can contribute to problems such as low self-esteem, as we have discussed in earlier articles. These beliefs are developed over time, but often have their origins in the experiences of childhood.

Confidence Building for Women

I have just finished teaching a six-week confidence-building course at Chorley Women’s Centre, Lancashire, on Saturday mornings. The course is designed to empower the women by giving them a range of confidence building strategies, which they can then apply to their own situations.

Some of the women who attend my groups have been severely affected by low self esteem for years, often due to appalling treatment at the hands of others – and yet these women survive, and not only survive, but prosper. It always amazes me how resilient these women are and how responsive they are to positive change – once they know how to get it.

Overcoming Negative Beliefs

People who suffer from low self-esteem find it difficult to overcome deeply held negative beliefs that they have about themselves. They may be persuaded to acknowledge at a rational level that their self-critical thoughts are unfair, but they can’t quite bring themselves to accept it ‘deep-down’.

Other people tell them they are successful, confident and attractive. But part of them refuses to believe this – even when all the evidence is to the contrary.

The Feel-Good Factor: No.3

Our sense of confidence can often be undermined by a troublesome inner voice. Just to become aware of that voice is a good first step towards learning to control it. Where does it come from? Who does it sound like? Does it need to be taken so seriously?

The Buzz - A Practical Confidence Builder For Teenagers

If you have your own teenagers, or you work with them, you may be interested in this new book by David Hodgson.

It is by far, the best motivational resource I have come across for young people and for the practitioners who work with young people.

The Buzz is written entirely from the point of view of teenagers – it’s interactive, humorous and relevant to their interests. Like the title suggests, this is basically a confidence builder and many of the techniques used are NLP based– but they are explained in a really simple, straight forward and fun way which directly appeals to young people.